Divorce, Infidelity, and the Impact on Children

When infidelity in a marriage leads to divorce, the children from that marriage can suffer as much emotional damage as either spouse. The news surrounding the unauthorized access of the database of the online dating site Ashley Madison has made headlines across the country. However, a recent report showed that many spouses cheat on their partners with people who are already acquainted with the family. These close relationships can leave children confused and hurt during a divorce.

Divorce and Infidelity Close to Home

Instead of the “mysterious stranger” or “homewrecker” portrayed in popular media, who comes on the scene and causes a spouse to stray, many divorce cases involving infidelity stem from friendships formed in the community. The spouse may start a relationship with a neighbor, a co-worker, a family friend, or a member of the family’s church. A Dallas divorce attorney was quoted in a recent news report as saying that, when infidelity is a factor in a divorce, “a majority of the time, it’s going to be (with) someone in known social circles.”

Children Coping With Divorce

The children may already be acquainted with the parent’s new partner through their school, church, or extracurricular activities. These ties can lead to more emotional complications during the divorce proceedings. The further the relationship has progressed between the parent and the new partner, the more difficult it can be for the child to process the new status quo. When the child sees the parent with the new partner, especially if that new partner is someone the child knew in a different context prior to the divorce, the child will often require time and help to adjust to the new situation.

Infidelity and Animosity in Divorce Cases

The feelings of betrayal and animosity from the scorned spouse can arise when infidelity leads to divorce. The spouse who fell victim to the adulterous partner may choose to turn the child against the cheating parent. Meanwhile, the unfaithful parent may pull away from the family and absorb themselves in the new relationship. Paul DePompo, a clinical psychologist in Newport Beach, California, told an interviewer that the victimized spouse in the divorce “tends to cling to the children.” When animosity enters the divorce proceedings, he said that, “the kids are in a lose-lose situation.”

How to Tell Children About Infidelity and Divorce

The hurt feelings of the betrayed spouse can lead to major problem when informing children about infidelity and divorce. Tracy Schorn, author of the infidelity support site Chumplady.com, advises parents not to sugar-coat or gloss over details about the divorce to their children. She told an interview that couples should talk to their children “in age-appropriate ways without editorializing.” She advised parents to remember that the relationship between the child and the unfaithful parent “is theirs to negotiate.”

Source: Philadelphia Tribune

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NOTE: This post is a news story and does not imply an endorsement of Arguello Law Firm by any concerned parties mentioned herein.